AAAAAaaaaaannnnnnddddd were back. It’s been ten days, two snowstorms and too long since the lady who cleans the Easton Hall bathrooms has been to work. (For anyone who doesn’t live in a dorm- on weekends when the cleaning lady hasn’t been around in a while things start to get VERY messy. You can almost always count on one person puking into a toilet/sink and by Sunday Night the odor is worse then Kris Jenkins on two bowls of chulent. Now try having that marinade for 8 EXTRA days.)
As always this is for our sanity as much as your pleasure.
3:35- The TA’s have taken their posts, ready to strike if they catch a cell phone out or a computer surfing the web (I’m tempted to find the epic Greg Oden photo’s just to see the reaction I’d get from a TA glancing at my screen).
3:38- Teach opens things up by handing out a paper to the class with instructions for downloading an assignment. She then proceeds to read out loud to the entire class exactly what is written on said paper. This one ALWAYS pisses me off, why read to us something you just distributed on paper? Are we really not trusted to read a piece of paper anymore?
3:44- Lucky us we have a surprise guest today, a real actress! Anytime an actress who can take time out of her busy schedule to come to College Park you know she’s most likely out of work and desperate. My excitement level just went up a notch.
3:45- The actress starts things off by telling us, “she has experience all over the southeast.” Apparently I’m the only one curious as to what great theatre/film is being done in the southeast. You always hear about actors going west to Hollywood or east to be on Broadway but the southeast is a hotbed of undiscovered talent (the key word here is undiscovered).
3:50- The actress quickly loses most of the class by not saying anything remotely interesting. That usually does the trick. Conversation in my section has moved from what acting could this woman have possibly done in the southeast to weather.com and the possibility of another snow day.
3:55- Rumors are permeating the room that it IS snowing but not sticking, as usual there’s the guy who must explain to the group, “The key to the snow day is accumulation, unless it sticks WERE GOING to have school.” This is the same guy who makes sure to explain to everyone that there is no pass interference in NFL BLITZ. (I love how this person always tries to make having a snow day sound like a life or death situation.)
4:00- After some quality soul searching (AKA an internal debate about who makes the best chocolate pudding Swiss Miss or Snack Pack), I perk up for this beautiful line from our esteemed guest lecturer. “Actor is the only theatre artist that the audience normally sees”- (shut the fuck up, that can’t be true)
4:02- Gaining steam the actress drops this pearl of wisdom on a now stunned class- “We’ve all been people.” I don’t even have a joke for this one.
4:15-After a half hour speech I’m left with just one question. If the goal of your lecture was to explain how challenging it is to be an actor and all I can think right now is that there are basically no challenges at all, have you done your job?
4:16- Our guest closes with a Mission Impossible reference, that just sounds like another way of saying “I haven’t seen a movie in awhile.”
4:23- Just when this class seemed semi-managable chaos hits. First I got a text message. As I pull out the cell phone our female TA (who looks like she could play middle linebacker on the Maryland football team) pounces like Jonah Hill on the last Krispy Kreme doughnut in the box. Thinking she was only after my cell phone you can imagine my surprise when she gives me a “And I’ve been watching you, don’t think I haven’t seen that you haven’t taken a single note all class.”
4:26- Still in shock at the attack from Brian Urlacher. Hopefully she didn’t see any of the lesbian jokes I made about her, I only put them on my twitter to ensure that no one actually read them……
4:30- Class comes to a jarring end, after recovering from the initial barrage I’ve resolved to approach the TA after class and give her the business for daring to read off of my computer screen then embarrass me in front of the entire class. If I make it to next class I’ll see you then…
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