Failed Lampoon Submission

I tried out for the Lampoon last semester. They didn't take me. This is one of the pieces I wrote. Enjoy.

Dos Equis, everyone’s second favorite Mexican beer, seems to be everywhere lately. Their popular new commercial campaign features an endorsement from the Most Interesting Man in the World. The truth is that the M.I.M.I.T.W hardly gives a ringing endorsement. The best he can say about Dos Equis is that “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.” This got the men at Sterling Cooper thinking about some other potential celebrity-endorsement deals. Expect to see some of these this fall season.

“I don’t always use condoms, but when I do I prefer Trojans.” – Magic Johnson

“I don’t always have much to do with low-level employees, but when I do I prefer to take things all the way.” – David Letterman on behalf of NBC Office of Employment

“I don’t always travel, but when I do I prefer the hospitality of Switzerland” – Roman Polanski on behalf of the Swiss Tourism Agency

“I don’t always carry a firearm, but when I do I prefer the safety of a Glock 9mm. – Plaxico Burress

“I don’t always talk much with scientists, but when I do I prefer the brilliance of females.” – Larry Summers on behalf of Women in the Workplace


I wrote this in October. An additional Tiger Woods-Cadillac joke seems in order, but I don't feel like figuring it out.

Also read this article today. Shocking news. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/world/asia/07karaoke.html I found in this article what is likely my favorite line ever wrtiten in a serious news story. "Karaoke-related killings are not limited to the Philippines. In the past two years alone, a Malaysian man was fatally stabbed for hogging the microphone at a bar and a Thai man killed eight of his neighbors in a rage after they sang John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads.”